The Worst Feeling One Can Ever Feel

by | Oct 13, 2018

Have you ever thought about what’s the worst feeling you can ever feel? Is it loss of a loved one? Breaking up with the one you thought he was meant for you? To me – the worst feeling that a person can ever feel is the feeling of regret.

Regret.

Feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that one has done or failed to do)

The loss of a loved one is a painful feeling. But knowing that there is so much things we have not done or say to our loved ones before their passing, that feeling of regret will continue to stay.

Breaking up with the one you thought he was meant for you is a painful feeling. But knowing that you did not put in as much effort into the relationship as he did, that feeling of regret will continue to stay.

Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash 

I remembered it was some time in Secondary Three when I realised that a friend of mine was not being herself. Let’s call her W. A little background of W, we were neighbours since we were young and she used to be a really bubbly girl. (At least that was what i remembered her to be) Even though we went to different schools, we still hung out together occasionally and would talk on the phone at night before we sleep – years back when talking on the phone is still a norm.

We spoke about everything under the sun, from which teacher was our favourite, to who our eye candy or crush was in school. However, during our secondary three, these conversations started to change its direction. She started sharing about thoughts on cutting herself. There were lots of crying and signs of distress. She was unhappy in school and her school friends made fun of her. There were not a lot of support from her family as both her parents were working and she stayed with her grandmother most of the time.

At that point of time, I could only share with her that things would be fine and she needed to think positive. (I was sec 3 at that time, so i really have zero idea what could be done or where help can be found)

Things made a turn for the worse when she tried to overdose herself with panadol and had to be sent to the hospital for a gastric lavage. Thankfully, that got her parents to notice that there were some issues going on with their daughter.

It must be good fortune that her father subsequently got posted overseas and her whole family had to relocate. But the regret was that we now lost contact and even now, with the help of social media and the internet, I wasn’t able to reconnect with her yet.  (yes, i tried to find her.)

But what i regretted most, was not being able to be of much help in this whole episode. I could have done so much more for my friend but at that point of time, the fear of making a wrong move was overwhelming. (i was worried that if i said anything wrong, she might just attempt to jump off a building or something. Please forgive me for my ignorance.)

That was my first encounter with depression and self hurt. And I really did not like that feeling. I was lucky though, that this friend of mine found help in the nick of time and we could avoid worse situations. However, there are still many people out there that may be facing similar issues. Sometimes we just need to listen more and observe. Most importantly, if you feel that there is really something wrong, we need to seek help.

10.10 happens to be World Mental Health Day. So here’s a video done by a close sister of mine as an initiative.

《When I See You Again》 // A World Mental Health Day Initiative

《When I See You Again》如果没有你 x See you again ✨10.10 // In conjunction with World Mental Health DayI have regrets. I wish to turn back time. Back to the year that I didn't insist we celebrate our birthdays together, to realize then that something must be terribly wrong when you kept turning me down when I wanted to meet you. How lonely you must have been, how scary living in this world must seem. I truly never expected to be able to one day draw the memories that play like film without sound in my head ever so often into film. Never a day goes by without me wishing I could have done more for you when you were in darkness. Birthdays will never be the same without you, but I promise to keep the flame of Life burning and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. Hey, 我真的好想你。没及时在你徬恍无助的时候对你伸出援手是我级大的遗憾。但,我会让我们的烛光继续燃烧,直到我们再相遇。Mental illnesses may not be very visible to the eye, but it's certainly something that should not be overlooked. No one should suffer from poor mental health alone. This World Mental Health Day, let's extend a warm hand to someone who may be suffering in silence. Let's leave no room for regret.精神疾病虽无形,但对患者可能如影随行。不要让遗憾成为你的生命的污点;今天起,让我们一起散发一丝温暖,走向光芒,好吗?In loving memory of a friend so dear.永在我心。**A big shout out to these believers for this cause – Arrangement, Producer and my eternal Muse: @augustlumRecording & Direction: @gohmingweiHttps://www.facebook.com/GohMingweiOfficial Mixing & Mastering: @aneirin_wDirector of Videography: @thenextchapterfilmhttp://www.facebook.com/thenextchapterfilmVideography Assistant: @jun Guest Appearance: @Sohjunwei Special mentions: @gogomonster Ric Liu for his kindness, insights and direction, PLAYInc for uniforms, & Henry Tan for being my pillar of strength.

Vanessa Phangさんの投稿 2018年10月10日水曜日

Do check out this amazing lady Vanessa Phang to see her story. #goodthingsmustshare

Till next time!